Psalms 23: 1-2
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
As a father, I have worked hard to provide good opportunities for my children and all the things necessary to live a comfortable life. I have approached my work as a mission. Sharing my faith where I can and helping others to grow beyond their current hope and dreams. I have taken positions to work with people I would not have normally come in contact with through the retail market as a store manager and general manager.
I have worked endless hours to make sure that I ran a good business., wanting to make sure I was being a good steward of what I had been given. Working in a retail management position for the last six years for a 24 hour 7 day a week business will take a toll. After a while, I found myself no longer attending church as I was having to run the business. I was working at all hours not allowing myself to be available for the family. My spiritual life started to dry up, but I would continually go to the Word in Proverbs seeking wisdom to make the business and my leadership better so that I could eventually start attending church again. Unfortunately, my heart was not tender. I was stuck on a wheel spinning and spinning.
Losing Control
My family and wife got to the point where the didn’t look forward to me coming home. I was mean, tired, and mad at God. I was drinking to take the edge off, so I wasn’t so stressed at home. I was trying to escape. As hard as I worked to provide for the family the more I failed. My relationship with my wife was rocky. I know that she was praying for release from our marriage. My kids were being harmed by my constant critique. Miserable, this was not who I wanted to be.
I felt trapped with no options, I once had founded my own company and was leading the edge for technology in education. Now, I was stuck in a career I no longer liked and didn’t have opportunities to get out. I prayed daily God save me but He didn’t.
Surrender
In November of 2017, I was driving home from work. I cried out to God, “I can’t do this, I give up, I want You to be in control.” I cried and emptied my heart out to God. I asked for His forgiveness for my idolatry, found in my job. Then in a clear manner, He impressed upon me, that He was the provider and that I was not! Tears in my eyes, I smiled for the first time in a while, realizing that God was sovereign. He wanted to provide for me as my Shepherd.
I came home and confessed to my wife what God had spoken to me. With tears in her eyes, she said let’s pray about it. She then encouraged me to quit my job and that we should trust God to provide. I resigned from my job the next week after seeking God in prayer and counsel from others. I had a job opportunity with a University. The job opportunity eventually fell through but it was enough for me to step out and trust that God would provide. After quitting and trusting God, my heart has been renewed through His Word. I have poured myself into the word and from it, my relationship with my wife has been renewed. We are partners again, a team! I am no longer criticizing my girls but disciplining them through God’s word. He has provided for our family every day. Each day starts with trusting God to provide! The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.